HIRSCH’S SQUIRTS

Well, if you are the Bulgarian women’s hockey team, I think it’s pretty easy.  In the European Olympic pre-qualifying tournament, the Bulgarian women (different from the men in the fact that their mustaches are thicker) were out shot 139-0 by Slovakia (who’s women are known for their hairy backs as opposed to faces). You would think that during such an ass kicking, the Slovakian women would let Bulgaria at least take one shot, just cause their goalie was sleeping and needed to be taught a lesson.  But no, they didn’t. And not only did the Slovakians take 139 shots, they scored on almost 60% of them.  Final score: Slovakia 82 – Bulgaria 0. And yes this is hockey, not football. Ice hockey. Where you score one point at a time.  In a game that isn’t even 82 minutes long, they averaged a goal every 44 seconds.  Had you gotten up to go to the bathroom you would have missed a 3-5 goal outburst depending on how much goulash you had eaten between periods.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, in Bulgaria’s three game tournament life they were outscored 153-1. In HOCKEY.  At least this is good news for spousal abusers looking for a mate: Bulgarian women sure know how to take a beating.  And just to kick a three legged horse while its down, one final jab.  What’s the difference between the Bulgarian women hockey players and the rest of Bulgarian women? The hockey players shower after three periods.  [rim shot!]  Thank you, I’ll be here all week.